There is a social networking site which is called Twitter. Twitter is now one of the most popular and common social networking sites all over the world. Twitter is also called celebrity sites. It’s also known as micro-blogging site. There are some funny tweets which a person can tweet in his or her twitter account. Funny tweets are those tweets which can broad your funny moods to the world through the social network. Some sites served us funny tweets which can help us to tweet funny things on tweeter. Funny tweets can discover your funny sides and can help to get some comments.

1. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
2. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
3. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
4. There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
5. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
6. Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
9. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
10. Without ME, it's just AWESO.
11. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
12. Armed man come in to the bank an told everyone to be cool, so i put my shades on an lent against the wall... Fucker still shot me!
13. Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish & he'll plan fishing trips with his buddies to escape from his annoying wife.
14. Bed wetters let it go straight to voicemail when nature calls.
15. I saw a chameleon today so I guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon
16. I saw a bald eagle take a shit mid-flight today. I've never been prouder to be an American.
17. My MILFshakes bring all the police and devastated families to the yard.
18. Is eliminating, removing, and getting rid of redundancy in his life.
19. Is wondering why driveways are driveways and parkways are parkways when you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.
20. Is wondering who Burger King's queen is.
21. Is wondering who Dairy Queen's king is.
22. Is wondering if Burger King is king and Dairy Queen is queen, who is the prince?
23. Is listening to the radio to see what is on tv.
24. Is imagining a world where green means stop and red means go.
25. Is playing hide and seek with Osama Bin Laden, wow he is good at this game.
26. Impeccable: Unable to be eaten by a chicken.
27. Depression: Anger without enthusiasm.
28. The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house. I got the outside.
29. It's okay to let your mind go blank; but please turn off the sound.
30. You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
31. I entered ten puns in a contest, and I thought I would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
32. If I die before I wake, I pray the lord will clear my browsing history.
33. Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
34. I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.
35. I'm beating my previous record for number of consecutive days alive.
36. Parents are like alcohol. In moderation they're great, but too much gives you a headache.
37. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
38. New term for dying in a spectacularly stupid way: “walk-off home run”.
39. Did that thing just make a noise? “What chicks say when I pull down my pants?
40. A pedophiles playground and a playground are really the same thing.
41. “You we are gonna wear them all night, right bro?
42. Final verdict on 1st class flight: seats comfy, wine sweet, blowjobs were a little dry.
43. Sober October=no alcohol. And lots of weed.
44. Black people generate better trending topics than white people.
45. I wonder what hotcakes sold like when they first hit the market.
46. They are serving bratwurst over here at NBC today. I am going to pass on any food that has the word, “worst” in it. Am I right?
47. How do I make myself feel better after being sick with food poisoning for the past day? I buy myself a legend of Zelda hoodie
48. If anyone see’s the sun please let him know he is missed several appointments with me, thanks for picking up the slack clouds.
49. Tried to Skype my brother while flying, did not work but think I invented time-travel you guys! Look at all these fucking dinosaurs!
50. I get why girls flash their boobs when they are partying with friends. My bffs are coming to town tonight and I can barely keep my top on!
51. Making love to the Eric Clapton song” it’s in the way that you use it” at 4 pm with no condoms on is the most serious thing you can do.

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